I've Got the Ironman Blues

    It was Saturday night and I was about 1 mile away from the finish line of my very first Ironman distance race. I was exhausted and in pain but the finish line was so close. It was then that the very first feeling of true sadness set in.

    For the last year I had thought about nothing but Ironman. It was exactly one year since I had registered for the race. It was about half a year since I had first started my dedicated training. And now, I was less than ten minutes from the finish line of what, at some points, had seemed like an insurmountable dream. But it wasn’t insurmountable because I had made it. I had dreamed and I had accomplished. And yet I felt crushed inside.

    Accomplishing a dream produces such a strange inner reaction. Yes, I was proud and relieved to have had made it to the finish line after 140.6 miles of agony. But, I was so sad it was all over. I had spent the last year imagining the moment I crossed that finish line. I had spent the last six months dedicating my physical being to becoming an Ironman. The journey was long and torturous but I had loved it. I had loved my long weekend bike rides. I had loved having a real valid reason for being exhausted at work. I had loved my long course weekend swim. I had loved the ups, the downs, and everything in-between. The Ironman dream had become how I defined myself to the world. And now, it was over.

    In the week since my race I’ve thought a lot about where I’ll go in my life now that I have my Ironman tattoo. For many people, they see the Ironman race as a triathlon career peak. They do it once and then revert back to the people they were pre-Ironman. But, I have never been the sort of person to create a goal and to leave it behind once it is accomplished. I am a lifelong athlete with the innate desire to constantly push myself towards the next challenge.

    So I am not done with Ironman. I can swim faster. I can bike stronger. I can run harder. I can do better and I know it. To some, I may seem sick inside for having the inability to let myself revel in my accomplishment. But, that’s what makes me a true athlete.

    I know that there can never again be a “first Ironman” for me. I definitely appreciate that fact in the depths of my heart. It was an amazing experience and I will remember crossing that finish line forever. But, this race was “A” highlight of my triathlon career and not “THE” highlight.” I just can’t let it be “THE” highlight. Otherwise, what would be the point of continuing on? What would be the motivation to get out of bed in the morning if I knew in my heart that it was all downhill from here?

    I’m sorry, but I’ll never be done. I’ll never have enough. I’m a competitive athlete all the way down to the very core of my soul. Take away my need to compete and I’ll cease to exist. And so, as always, the dreaming continues…forever and ever.

“Dreams pass into the reality of action. From the actions stems the dream again; and this interdependence produces the highest form of living.” 

 -Anais Nin

For all of you out there who felt like me after their first Ironman...know that your not alone. The need to compete with yourself-constantly craving the next challenge-is part of who you are.  Embrace it.

Now, let me turn my focus to the remainder of my season and eventually onto Ironman Texas 2013.