I might not be the fastest cyclist or the fastest runner, but when I'm in the water, you stand no chance. So, follow me, a Florida-based triathlete and competitive swimmer, on my journey training, racing, and looking for the next new challenge.
My second full Ironman distance race is now just under 2 weeks away (May 18) and I’m pretty excited for it. Well, I might actually be more excited for the much-needed vacation from work as opposed to the actual race itself. Either way, though, I just can’t wait to pack my bags and head out to Texas.
I’ve hit some major stumbling blocks in the past few weeks that do make me a bit nervous for this race. I felt really fantastic during my early season training and heading into Ironman San Juan. And then, I got injured. The hamstring injury was pretty painful and really set me back for quite some time. I think that I allowed it to sufficiently heal just by training when I felt good and backing off if I felt the slightest bit of pain. But, by training this way, I feel that I might have really set myself back in terms of Ironman preparation. I just couldn’t reach and maintain the amount of volume that I had intended. But, I tried to do the best that I could.
Additionally, I really injured my ribs last weekend at St.
other side-effects of my rib-cracking trip at St. Anthony's
Anthony’s Triathlon when I tripped off the edge of a sidewalk. The pain has gotten A TINY bit better in the last week. But, I still feel quite some restriction on my breathing. All I can really do at this point is to pull back and hope that it gets better. There is nothing I can really do to fix injured ribs. And if it doesn’t get better, than I’m going to swim, bike, and run through it as much as I can. This obviously isn’t the optimal situation, but I don’t have much of a choice.
On top of all these injuries, work has really picked up in the last few weeks. I’ve had to wake up even earlier for court hearings. And, I’ve been getting home even later from Court. As a result, I just haven’t had the energy or time during the week to focus as much on training. And come the weekend, I’m pretty overly exhausted. I constantly see the updates that many of my competitors post online…their updates on their mid-day week workouts and back-to-back long training sessions on the weekends. And it’s frustrating to know that they’re out improving while I’m sitting in court reading their twitter updates between hearings. But, I really don’t know how they do it. I’m not sure whether these people have real jobs. And, I’m not sure whether these people have a non-triathlete boyfriend who sits at home bored on weekends waiting for them to get back from their longs rides. But I really highly doubt they have either. I just don’t see any possible way that they could. Either way though, it’s so mentally difficult to watch so many of my competitors getting better while I do not. But I guess that is just something I have to deal with if I wish to have any sort of a life outside of triathlon.
Trying to relax from a long week while simultaneously training
I know this all sounds quite terrible…that I seem to have so much doubt in myself leading into my ‘A’ Race. But, I don’t really think this is really actual doubt… I have no doubt that I’m going to finish this race. I have no doubt that I’m going to finish this race with a big PR. But, I also have no doubt that I’m going to finish knowing that I’m physically capable of more. Because, of course I’m capable of more! If I didn’t have to work, then I could train harder. If I didn’t have a boyfriend and a dog, then I could train more. But, I do have these things. And I’m glad that I have them. So, I’m going to do the best that I can, for what I am capable of right now and will try not to worry as much about all the jobless people about there who may or may not beat me. I trained the best that I could with the time and energy that I have. I might be an Ironman, but I’m not a superhero…so the best that I can, will just have to be good enough. For now.
It was Saturday night and I was about 1 mile away from the finish line of my very first Ironman distance race. I was exhausted and in pain but the finish line was so close. It was then that the very first feeling of true sadness set in.
For the last year I had thought about nothing but Ironman. It was exactly one year since I had registered for the race. It was about half a year since I had first started my dedicated training. And now, I was less than ten minutes from the finish line of what, at some points, had seemed like an insurmountable dream. But it wasn’t insurmountable because I had made it. I had dreamed and I had accomplished. And yet I felt crushed inside.
Accomplishing a dream produces such a strange inner reaction. Yes, I was proud and relieved to have had made it to the finish line after 140.6 miles of agony. But, I was so sad it was all over. I had spent the last year imagining the moment I crossed that finish line. I had spent the last six months dedicating my physical being to becoming an Ironman. The journey was long and torturous but I had loved it. I had loved my long weekend bike rides. I had loved having a real valid reason for being exhausted at work. I had loved my long course weekend swim. I had loved the ups, the downs, and everything in-between. The Ironman dream had become how I defined myself to the world. And now, it was over.
In the week since my race I’ve thought a lot about where I’ll go in my life now that I have my Ironman tattoo. For many people, they see the Ironman race as a triathlon career peak. They do it once and then revert back to the people they were pre-Ironman. But, I have never been the sort of person to create a goal and to leave it behind once it is accomplished. I am a lifelong athlete with the innate desire to constantly push myself towards the next challenge.
So I am not done with Ironman. I can swim faster. I can bike stronger. I can run harder. I can do better and I know it. To some, I may seem sick inside for having the inability to let myself revel in my accomplishment. But, that’s what makes me a true athlete.
I know that there can never again be a “first Ironman” for me. I definitely appreciate that fact in the depths of my heart. It was an amazing experience and I will remember crossing that finish line forever. But, this race was “A” highlight of my triathlon career and not “THE” highlight.” I just can’t let it be “THE” highlight. Otherwise, what would be the point of continuing on? What would be the motivation to get out of bed in the morning if I knew in my heart that it was all downhill from here?
I’m sorry, but I’ll never be done. I’ll never have enough. I’m a competitive athlete all the way down to the very core of my soul. Take away my need to compete and I’ll cease to exist. And so, as always, the dreaming continues…forever and ever.
“Dreams pass into the reality of action. From the actions stems the dream again; and this interdependence produces the highest form of living.”
-Anais Nin
For all of you out there who felt like me after their first Ironman...know that your not alone. The need to compete with yourself-constantly craving the next challenge-is part of who you are. Embrace it.
Now, let me turn my focus to the remainder of my season and eventually onto Ironman Texas 2013.
THIS IS IT! THE DAY IS ALMOST HERE! My bike is on its way via Tri Bike Transport. All my gear is packed strategically in my swim bag. All my training had concluded. And now, I’m only 2.5 days, 2.2 miserable night’s sleep (I added the .2 for my ‘sleep’ before my 2:30am wakeup on race day,) 1 plane flight, and 1 easy workout away from the Ironman U.S. Championships in New York City. I’m a little bit scared. I’m sorta nervous. But, I’m sure excited.
I’ve been training for nearly 6 months for a single race so there is a lot of pressure to do well on race day. But then again, what does ‘well’ even mean? Questions have recently popped into my mind regarding this race that I have tried to ignore answering for far too long this season: What are my goals for this race? What are my expectations of my performance? What is my strategic race plan regarding pacing? Do I even have such a plan?
And now, with the race only a few short days away, I can’t ignore these questions any longer. I need to confront my fear and concoct SOME SORT of a race plan. So, here it is…
Overall Race Goal:
To finish my very first Full Ironman Race and be proud of it. I’m a SUPER competitive person and I, admittedly, HATE losing. Deep down I know that I will look back at this race and see all my mistakes and failures before I will acknowledge my accomplishment. I’m hard on myself. I know that. But, my overall race goal is, ultimately, just to finish. Saturday isn’t the day to take large race risks or to go out hard hoping that I can just hold on. Saturday is the day for pushing myself comfortably (well, as comfortable as I could be in a 12hr race) across the finish line and knowing that my next Ironman race will be the race where I can really test my limits. I just have to get my Ironman tattoo and then all bets are off.
The Swim:
Okay, so I know I JUST said that I wasn’t going to go out too hard. BUT, the swim will be my exception to this rule. I’m a swimmer and I’ve been feeling fantastic in the water. I also JUST swam a 5k Long Course for time so I know both that my pacing is spot-on and that I can bounce back very quickly from a hard swim. Like Ironman 70.3 Florida, I plan to take this swim out relatively hard. Swimming is my advantage and I will try to do the best I can with it. I know that I’ll be a bit tired for the Swim/Run Transition to the Bike. But, a few minutes into the bike and I know that I’ll be back to normal. So, the plan is to take out the swim moderate to hard and to rely on my training for a fast post-swim recovery.
The Transitions:
Smooth and Well-executed. Once I leave transition I’ll be gone for a VERY LONG time. So, I need to worry less about the speed of my transitions and instead to be very thorough in my preparation for the next leg of the race. I can’t leave anything I need behind…even if it means losing a minute or two.
The Bike:
Smooth and steady on the first lap and focus mentally to push a bit harder through the second lap. I don’t know the bike course AT ALL. I know, roughly, how tall the hills are and where they are. But, this is brand new terrain for me. I need to take the first lap out comfortably to just get to see the bike course before I will be able to figure out how hard I can push the second lap. My biggest goal is to not take the first lap out so hard that I spend the next six hours slowly dying. I want to spend the first 56 miles at a comfortable pace and to see how much I have left in the tank for the second loop once I know how challenging those hills are.
The Run:
My only real goal here is just to finish and to stay mentally positive without any real concern for my pace. The run course looks extremely challenging (although beautiful). And, I’m not 100% confident in my present run training. Regardless though, no matter how much training I did for this run, it’s definitely going to hurt A LOT. So, I plan to just enjoy the scenery and take solace in the fact that, by that point, I’ll almost be an Ironman.
And, there it is. It’s not a super-confusing or overly thought-out race plan. But, it’s something to at least show that I have put some thought into my performance on Saturday. And that’s all I’ve really got to say…
If you’d like to track me on Saturday during the race, you can do so at Ironman Live by entering my bib number (#481). Thanks for all your good luck wishes and support thusfar and...
The big race is quickly approaching..Ironman NYC is just THREE WEEKS AWAY! My body is completely exhausted from all the training/work/lack of sleep. But, it will all be over before I know it. I’ve been training for the ‘big day’ for about 5 months now prepping endlessly for the straight 2.4 mile swim, 6plus hour hilly bike, and the sure-to-be exhausting marathon run. But, there is one, all important thing that I haven’t yet prepped for…the finish.
Barring any major problems and in trying to stay mentally positive, I’ve been thinking endlessly about what it will be like to transcend down that final chute towards the giant Ironman finish line archway. Since this is my first full Ironman, I know that I will forever look back and remember that moment when my toe finally reaches 140.61 miles. I want that image, both the everlasting mental image and the one Ironman will sell to me for an insanely high price, to be perfect.
"The Exhale"
So, in an attempt to make that final image perfect, I’ve been thinking about my many different finish line pose options. Think of it as my final last minute prep for the final last minute of the race. And who knows which one I will chose or which one, god forbid, just ‘happens.’ But I’m sure it will be a fantastic, truly memorable experience all the same.
Option 1:
The Exhale:
Where I hold my breath, sprint (as much as I could even sprint at that point) towards the finish line, take a single leap over the line, stop, and let out a very deep exhale as a sigh of relief of finally making it.
Picture-Perfect Scale Factor: 4
(Nobody looks attractive with their mouth wide open blowing air out; however, it’s one of the better options for a more-exhausted finish)
Option 2:
The Stumble:
Where I’m so overly-exhausted that I stumble, zigzagging and dragging my body over the line.
Picture-Perfect Scale Factor: 2
(Not very attractive, but at least I’m not dead)
Option 3:
The Collapse:
Where I collapse to the ground (unintentionally) as I topple over the finish line.
Picture-Perfect Scale Factor: 0
(However, the Dramatic Factor is super high and possibly a more viable option than an ugly photo)
Option 4:
The Phelps:
where I run across the finish with a big smile and arms extended out to the side as though I’m about to give the finish line a giant bear hug)
Picture-Perfect Scale Factor: 7
(a smile is always great in a photo and would be relatively easy to execute)
Option 5:
The Heal Click:
Where I jump up in the air clicking my heals together as I cross the line.
Picture-Perfect Scale Factor: 10
(though jumping after 140.6 miles would not be very easy and my calves would probably cramp. I was also not born a Leprechaun so my clumsiness would make this extremely difficult to execute properly without the risk of falling flat on my face).
Option 6:
The Tebow:
I get down on one knee and pray about how happy I am to finally be done
Picture-Perfect Scale Factor: -10
(I’m from the U…enough said).
Today was it...my last long weekend bike ride before Ironman NYC. I only have 3 weekends left before I leave for NYC. Next weekend I have a master's swim meet, the weekend after I'm in taper and will only do about 50 miles (I know, ONLY), and the weekend after my bike will be in route to the Big Apple. So, today was my last chance to get in a lengthier ride. And, I was pretty sad about it.
Over the past few months I have been going out on long training rides on the weekend. I first started out by joining a friend for a 50 mile ride. The following weekend we did 60 miles. And after that, I was forced to leave my friend behind while I went out on solo rides ranging from 70 to 100 miles.
I remember that after my first solo ride (of about 65 miles) I came home upset. The wind was too strong. I got dirt in my eyes. There were so many problems that I had obsessed about during that first solo ride. It was miserable. But, upon reflection, I don't think it was those tiny 'problems' that made that first ride miserable...I think it was the fact that I had never had to tolerate being with myself for that long.
It' s not an easy thing, having to tolerate your own mind for so many hours. On a ride of four hours or longer, your mind wanders so many times that you almost run out of things to think about. And then, when all your inner distractions are gone, there is nothing else to left to concentrate on besides the strength of the wind and the annoyance of the cars passing by.
But over time, the long rides got easier. Part was due to the fact that I was getting stronger physically. But part was also due to the fact that I had eventually learned to appreciate being along. In fact, I eventually started looking forward to it.
Today on my final long ride, I was actually excited to get out of bed. I filled my bottles, packed all my nutrition, and flew out the door. It was drizzling a little but that didn't matter. The wind was much stronger than usual, but that didn't matter either. I didn't want the rain or the wind as excuses anymore. I didn't need excuses not to ride when riding had become the highlight of my weekend.
Other triathletes do group rides (or do group rides and a short ride after) to prep for an Ironman. But, I think these athletes are greatly missing out on an amazing aspect of the journey to become an Ironman. You can't draft in the race. You can't distract yourself with chit chat in the race. You can't stop at Starbucks to catch up with your friends in the race. So you probably shouldn't be doing it in practice, either.
Biking 112 miles takes a VERY long time. And I really do feel that I am as prepared for that ride as I possibly could be. I never gave myself the chance to draft off of anyone on my solo rides. I never had anyone to block the wind for me or to give me some water if I had run out. It was just me out there. I had nothing to listen to besides the steady pace of my own breathing. I had nothing else to look at besides the beauty of parts of the city I had never seen before.
Each solo bike ride was a brand new experience. Many times I left my house without a clear route even marked. I would just follow other bikers to new areas of the city. Today, I wound up biking through the Mangrove preserve. It was beautiful and serene. And, while I was out there, I was thinking about how easy these rides had become. Yes my body is stronger. But more importantly, my mind was finally clear. After so many ours of being alone and obsessing about random things that didn't matter, I had finally pushed through to the other side. I had pushed through to the side of nothingness and yet clarity. The negative thoughts were gone. The distractions about work or home were distant memories. It was just me, my bike, and the wide open road.
After reflecting upon all my training, the one thing I know I did right was to do most of my long rides alone. And, if you're training for an Ironman, I'd highly recommend doing the same. Yes, you can train yourself physically for the race by biking with others. But, you can't train for the race mentally unless you venture out alone.
Learning to tolerate being with yourself for over 6 hours is not easy. It's hard to be forced to be 'inside your own head' for that long and to not lose hope or let the negativity creep in. But little by little you can build up to it, just like you build yourself up physically. The first few rides will be miserable, I'm sure. You will always find something else you can blame besides having to blame your own mental weakness. But, over time, you will learn to find the joy in being alone. You will learn new things about yourself and the way your mind functions each time you ride. You will stop trying to distract yourself and instead learn to enjoy the loneliness, the pain, and the exhaustion. And, you will be proud when you come home because you will know that you did it all alone.
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