Biking with Myself

    Today was it...my last long weekend bike ride before Ironman NYC.  I only have 3 weekends left before I leave for NYC.  Next weekend I have a master's swim meet, the weekend after I'm in taper and will only do about 50 miles (I know, ONLY), and the weekend after my bike will be in route to the Big Apple.  So, today was my last chance to get in a lengthier ride.  And, I was pretty sad about it.

    Over the past few months I have been going out on long training rides on the weekend.  I first started out by joining a friend for a 50 mile ride.  The following weekend we did 60 miles.  And after that, I was forced to leave my friend behind while I went out on solo rides ranging from 70 to 100 miles.

    I remember that after my first solo ride (of about 65 miles) I came home upset.  The wind was too strong.  I got dirt in my eyes.  There were so many problems that I had obsessed about during that first solo ride.  It was miserable.  But, upon reflection, I don't think it was those tiny 'problems' that made that first ride miserable...I think it was the fact that I had never had to tolerate being with myself for that long.

    It' s not an easy thing, having to tolerate your own mind for so many hours.  On a ride of four hours or longer, your mind wanders so many times that you almost run out of things to think about.  And then, when all your inner distractions are gone, there is nothing else to left to concentrate on besides the strength of the wind and the annoyance of the cars passing by.

    But over time, the long rides got easier.  Part was due to the fact that I was getting stronger physically.  But part was also due to the fact that I had eventually learned to appreciate being along.  In fact, I eventually started looking forward to it.

    Today on my final long ride, I was actually excited to get out of bed.  I filled my bottles, packed all my nutrition, and flew out the door.  It was drizzling a little but that didn't matter.  The wind was much stronger than usual, but that didn't matter either.  I didn't want the rain or the wind as excuses anymore.  I didn't need excuses not to ride when riding had become the highlight of my weekend.

    Other triathletes do group rides (or do group rides and a short ride after) to prep for an Ironman. But, I think these athletes are greatly missing out on an amazing aspect of the journey to become an Ironman.  You can't draft in the race.  You can't distract yourself with chit chat in the race.  You can't stop at Starbucks to catch up with your friends in the race.  So you probably shouldn't be doing it in practice, either.

    Biking 112 miles takes a VERY long time.  And I really do feel that I am as prepared for that ride as I possibly could be.  I never gave myself the chance to draft off of anyone on my solo rides.  I never had anyone to block the wind for me or to give me some water if I had run out.  It was just me out there.  I had nothing to listen to besides the steady pace of my own breathing.  I had nothing else to look at besides the beauty of parts of the city I had never seen before.

    Each solo bike ride was a brand new experience.  Many times I left my house without a clear route even marked.  I would just follow other bikers to new areas of the city.  Today, I wound up biking through the Mangrove preserve.  It was beautiful and serene.  And, while I was out there, I was thinking about how easy these rides had become.  Yes my body is stronger.  But more importantly, my mind was finally clear.  After so many ours of being alone and obsessing about random things that didn't matter, I had finally pushed through to the other side.  I had pushed through to the side of nothingness and yet clarity.  The negative thoughts were gone.  The distractions about work or home were distant memories.  It was just me, my bike, and the wide open road.

    After reflecting upon all my training, the one thing I know I did right was to do most of my long rides alone.  And, if you're training for an Ironman, I'd highly recommend doing the same. Yes, you can train yourself physically for the race by biking with others.  But, you can't train for the race mentally unless you venture out alone.

    Learning to tolerate being with yourself for over 6 hours is not easy.  It's hard to be forced to be 'inside your own head' for that long and to not lose hope or let the negativity creep in. But little by little you can build up to it, just like you build yourself up physically.  The first few rides will be miserable, I'm sure.  You will always find something else you can blame besides having to blame your own mental weakness.  But, over time, you will learn to find the joy in being alone.  You will learn new things about yourself and the way your mind functions each time you ride.  You will stop trying to distract yourself and instead learn to enjoy the loneliness, the pain, and the exhaustion.  And, you will be proud when you come home because you will know that you did it all alone.

"Well there's nothing to lose

And there's nothing to prove

I'll be biking with myself"