A Time for Reflection: 2012

Celebrating the end of my season after Miami Man

     My offseason is in full swing (although only 2 weeks from being over) so I decided to sit down and really think about last season...both the good parts and the bad. In all, my 2012 season was pretty great...I set up my tri blog, I got my first full time attorney job, I completed my first full Ironman, and I got myself a super speedy new TT bike. I might not have had all the great performances I was hoping for. But, that's okay because this was the first season where I actually had to budget traing time with being a real life adult. And, since I ended my season on a higher note with some good performances on my new ride, I'm 10x more excited for next season than I otherwise would have been.
 

    The only real downer of my season, regretfully, was something that happened to me in reaction to a post-ironman blog post I had made. I haven't commented on it anywhere...until now. But, after reflecting upon my year, it's still really bothering me so I've decided to comment on it.

     A few months ago I made a somewhat jocular post about my new Ironman tattoo. The post was up for a few weeks until one day I was at work and received a random, mean, comment on the post. Then, as the day progressed, my inbox got flooded by many more cruel comments and personal attacks on my character and my representation of the sport. Then, when I took the comment feed down, I started received e-mails with even more personal attacks. Not knowing why this was happening (and thinking it was possibly just spam) I looked at my viewer stats and eventually found a few forum feeds on various sport-related websites. And, what I saw on these feeds, was horrifying and cruel. The comments ranged from laughing at my race times, to name-calling, to jokes on my appearance, to actual threats. I wouldn't actually have cared so much about the feeds themselves, had they not instigated the nonstop e-mails of hatred. Receiving an e-mail that says "typical arrogant white american. disgusting. you're nothing special, yet your entitlement is vomit-inducing." (yes that was an actual e-mail) as I get into bed doesn't exactly give me a warm feeling inside.
 

   To cut this very hurtful story short, these feeds were eventually taken down (thanks Dan from slowtwitch) and the active participants went on with their lives (I hope). But, what's sad about the situation was that I never totally moved on. The incident really ruined my joy for having this blog and, admittedly, even tainted my love and respect for the sport of triathlon itself. So, to the people who were involved in the harassment, I just wanted to say this: 

You don't know me. But if you see me at a race and want to say hello, please do. I'll be the girl swimming over you.

And on that note....here is my end-of-season highlight/lowlight lists...just in case you're curious.

Best Memory of 2012 Season:

Feeling like a super star with all the spectators and volunteers cheering for me as the first Age Group Female out of the water and through T-1 at Ironman NYC

Worst Memory of 2012 Season:

The run at Miami Man Triathlon where I was so horribly sick and could barely breathe

5 Proudest Season Accomplishments:

1) Crossing the finish line at Ironman New York City

2) Holding off my toughest competitors until the run at Escape to Miami

3) Managing my new full-time job with training for my first Full Ironman

4) Buying my dream bike

5) Placing 10th nationally in the USMS 1500m LCM Freestyle rankings

5 Biggest Season Regrets:

1) Letting a bunch of bullies on Triathlon forums ruin my joy for writing on my Tri Blog

2) Not getting in enough run training before Ironman New York (or any of my races this season)

3) Not joining my Masters Team until September (I REALLY do enjoy it!)

4) Not knowing enough about bikes to have been able to fix my brakes mid-race

5) Not being grateful enough to my Boyfriend for suffering through a season of Ironman training (plus the 15 plus hours he spent with just my mom and dad while I was actually doing the race)

RACE REPORT: Miami Man International Triathlon

Swim Start

    I was originally registered for the Miami Man Half-Iron Triathlon on Sunday. However, starting last Sunday while I was out biking and preparing for my race, I begun to notice a slight heaviness in my chest. I was getting sick. My illness gradually increased as the week progressed until my throat finally closed and I was forced to stay home from work on Thursday and Friday. I was extremely nervous about racing a Half-Ironman on Sunday if I still did not feel well (and even if I felt better since I knew I still would not be 100 percent), so I asked the race directors if I could possibly downgrade to the lower distance. Luckily, the amazing people at Multirace allowed me to downgrade to the international distance race at bike check-in on Saturday. And THANK GOD that they did!

    I was not feeling too great on Saturday morning at bike check-in. However, come race day, I was feeling relatively coherent with just a slight cough. I figured I was close to normal and tried to pump myself up for my shortened end-of-season race. They closed transition pretty early to send off the Half-Iron athletes. However, I still had about 2hrs of waiting before my start wave would go off. So, I walked around the park a bit, and held onto my long sleeve shirt and shoes in an attempt to keep warm.

    About 45 minutes from the start of my race I went for a warm-up swim in the lake. People kept asking me how cold I was, since this was a wetsuit-legal race and I was just about the only person not wearing one (I opted not to wear a wetsuit since the swim was so short and any advantage by wearing one would be counteracted by the amount of time it would take getting it off post-swim). The water was a little cold when I first got into it (colder than I remember for this race). But, I figured it wouldn’t be a problem since I have been swimming regularly at 6am outside in a competition pool over the past few weeks. I swam a few hundred yards and then went back to shore to wait for my race.

RACE BREAKDOWN:

The Swim (.6mi):

Swim Split: 16:12
    The swim wave did not go out very fast even with everyone wearing a wet suit. I noticed two girls ahead of me at the first buoy but did not pay much attention to them since most people tend to take out the swim too fast for them to maintain. In fact, I never pay much attention to others on the swim since I am pretty aware of how fast I am capable of swimming. I try not to let others distract me from my own pacing. My goal, in this race, was to take the swim out just about as hard as I could. I knew that being sick, I might have more difficulty as the race progressed. So, I wanted to get out in front as far as possibly. Or, that was the goal anyways.

About half-way between the first and second buoys, I passed one of the girls in my wave. However, I never saw the second girl and did not know if she was behind me or in front of me. It was especially hard to tell where she was since we were THE VERY LAST wave. This did not help much with keeping up a strong swim since I had to swim over literally every other person in the race to maintain a strong speed. Nevertheless, I had a pretty good swim and wound up having the fastest swim in my Age Group by over 3 minutes.

T-1:

    Transitions were an interesting situation for me this year. This race always racks each age group together, which is nice because you can figure out who is in front of you whenever you reach transition. However, since I had downgraded at the very last minute, I was racked over with all the 25-29 Half-Ironman athletes instead of the International athletes. I was not quite sure how this would play out. On one hand, I had absolutely no idea whether or not I was the first one on my age group to come out of the water. But, on the other hand, all the other people I was competing against would have no idea that I was even out there. I figured, since I knew I would be one of the first out of the water, that this would work to my advantage. I knew that I would start the race ahead (as usual). But, they wouldn’t know that I was out there to catch…

    Nevertheless, I assumed that there might have been one girl still ahead of me….just to be safe.

The Bike (22mi):

Bike Split: 1:06.00
    My body felt okay until I clipped into my bike pedals. I immediately felt exhausted. I can honestly say that I tried my best notwithstanding the fact that my legs felt very heavy. The bike course was EXTREMELY windy which used to be a big problem for me both mentally and physically. But, ever since I got my new bike, I feel far more compact and streamlined making the wind much easier to slice through.

    So, although my body was tired and crampy, I really tried to push through the wind on a high gear knowing that my run was probably not going to be all that fantastic. With the wind I was going upwards of 26mph. Against the wind, I was flying by people at an amazing speed of 16.5mph. The bike was tough, but I suffered through and somehow still managed to have the fastest bike split in my age group.

T-2:

    My transitions weren’t all too fantastic. To be honest, I felt a little ‘out-of-it’ due to my cold and had a tough time rushing transition as needed. I lost a little bit of time in transition. But, I wanted to make sure that being a bid dazed, I wouldn’t forget anything.

The Run (6.6mi):

Run Split: 1:00.14

  This was where my race completely fell apart. I felt TERRIBLE. I knew that the run would be a bit of a struggle so I hoped that my swim and bike would have been good enough to keep me in award position. The first 2 miles, although slow, did not feel too terrible. But, as the sun started to come out, I started to have some difficulties breathing and staying focused. So, I zoned out knowing that I was in no shape to ‘race’ the run. My only goal was to make it to the finish line. I hoped that I wouldn’t get passed by too many people. But, it was a bit out of my control at this point.

    I felt worse and worse as the run progressed. And, I HATED the fact that this run was 6.6 miles instead of the typical 6.2miles. That extra half a mile felt like it took forever. I still figured that I might have had once girl come out of the water ahead of me. Not a single girl passed me on the bike course though. So, I knew, worst case scenario, I was in 2nd going into the run unless somebody had snuck by me somehow in transition.

    Around mile 4 of the run, I got passed by a girl in my age group. I did not want anybody else to pass me so I tried to pick up my pace. However, I was coughing a whole lot and just couldn’t get my body moving any faster (I also couldn’t seem to run straight either). Then, without about half a mile left to go, I looked behind me and saw a few girls. I picked up the pace, not a lot, but just enough to be able to build into a sprint for the last few hundred yards before the finish line. The girls behind me (who, as it turned out were in my age group) never caught me and I wound up getting second.

My awesome stuffed tiger award

    As it turned out, I had lost that other girl somewhere during the swim and had led the entire race with the fastest swim and bike splits. I slid into second place when that girl had passed me on the run course. But, I’m not very upset about it. After all, had I been healthy, I wouldn’t have even been competing in this race distance.

   So, I closed out my 2012 Triathlon season with a second place finish while sick. Not a bad way to go out…

Overall Time: 2:26.24
Place: 2nd in AG

RACE REPORT: Tropical Splash Dixie Zone Open Water 5k Championship

Me and my Teammate before the race

    I've never done an open water swimming race before (unless it was attached to a bike and a run).  But, I decided I wanted to try one out.  So, this past weekend I competed at The Tropical Splash Dixie Zone 5K Championship in Siesta Key, FL.


    I woke up Saturday morning pretty exhausted after having woken up at 4:45 am, having done a 1 hour swim practice, suffered through an-all day work seminar, and driving 4 hours in the rain the day beforehand.  Nevertheless, once I was up and moving around, I got pretty excited for the race. I arrived at the race site about an hour before the gun.  I picked up my swim cap and timing chip, met up with a fellow swim team member, and walked down to the water for a quick warm-up swim before race-time.
 

The Race:

    Although the beach was beautiful and I've been feeling very comfortable in the water, the race didn't exactly go as expected.  About 250m into the race course, we entered deeper water where, apparently, there were a bunch of small jellyfish.  I was just starting to get into my 'groove' when all of a sudden I felt some sharp pinches all down the insides of my bathing suit.  I tried to convince myself that I was just feeling slight 'rubbing' from my brand new suit.  But, as my skin grew itchier and itchier, I knew what it was...sea lice.      

    I know that sea lice isn't too big of a deal.  But, having never gotten stung by a jellyfish before, and having not even contemplated their existence in the ocean this time of year, I panicked.  I tried to keep it out of my head as long as possible.  But, as the current started to pick up as the race went on, the stings got more frequent.  I kept imagining myself, running out of the water towards the finish line with giant red slashes all across my face and body.  And, just like that, my mind was lost. I think it would have been different had I known about the jellies ahead of time.  But, with something that unexpected, it was hard to stay mentally focused.
    Additionally, no matter what I tried, I could not stay on course for some reason.  The sun and the fact that I had lightly tinted goggles was partly to blame.  Otherwise, I'm not sure why I was drifting so far off course.  Perhaps it was exhaustion.  Perhaps it was just the distraction of the jellies.  I had my Garmin on and was keeping track of how far I had swam.  And, I have to admit, it was a bit disconcerting to look down and see that I had technically swam an entire 5K when I was still several buoys away from the finish line.  

I wound up swimming (according to my Garmin) 3.67 miles- over half a mile more than the actual race.

   My time wasn't the greatest and I'm a bit peeved about that.   Even though the conditions weren't what I was expecting, I know that I could have done better.  So, this definitely was not my first and last open water race. Next time, I'll just have to be a bit more prepared.

Finishing Time: 1:32.02
Place: 3rd in Age Group

RACE REPORT: Escape to Miami

Transition with "Escape Island" in the background

    This past Sunday I competed in the Olympic Distance of the Escape to Miami Triathlon.  The race was only about a month after my Ironman "A" race.  Additionally, I decided to ride my brand new TT bike in the race having only been outside on the bike twice since I purchased it (I got in a few short trainer rides though).  Thus, I didn't really know what to expect out of myself.  Nevertheless, I really enjoy this course and wanted to put my best foot forward. And, I wound up having a pretty great race.

RACE BREAKDOWN:

The Swim (.9mi):

Swim Split: 22:40

    I've been feeling pretty great in the water recently since I have been attending Masters swim practices 3x a week for the past 2 weeks. I was already in good swim shape from the summer, but I really felt like those few organized swim practices had gotten me a better sense of how to pace a distance swim.  

   In this race, all the Olympic athletes have to line up to board a ferry at 5am to be taken out to a tiny island off the coast of downtown Miami.  The swim can be a bit daunting for many athletes as there can be a strong current and buoys can be hard to spot.  As a good swimmer, however, I can really use my only advantage in this race to good use. 

   Since the swim is more challenging for some and because I've been feeling very smooth in the water, I decided to take the swim out pretty hard.  And, I did.  Even with a stronger current than I remember and with a lot more seaweed getting wrapped around my arms and neck, I wound up taking about 3 minutes off my best time for the course and came out of the water first in my age group.  I was off to a great start.

The Bike (24.8mi):

Bike Split: 1:12.06

    I always have a hard time in Olympic races because I normally come out of the water in front, only to have others catch me a few minutes into the bike course.  I was riding my brand new BMC TM02 for the first time in a race (a big step up from my old Cervelo P1).  In the two outdoor rides I had on the bike, I felt extremely fast and comfortable.  So, I really wanted to try and push myself to see whether or not I had made a good purchase.  I did.

    Averaging a little over 21.4mph (a bit higher than if you convert the time because of the added run to/from the bike mount line), I was able to maintain my lead for the entire bike course.  There was one girl, who wound up taking second overall that passed me about 20 minutes into the course.  But, all the other girls (who normally race in the elite category, I might add) never caught me.

   It was a great feeling, being able to maintain about 2-3mph faster than I ever have before.  I also had a bit of a problem as a bolt on my seat-mounted water bottle cages came loose and I wound up losing both my bottles.  It was also pretty annoying listening to the cages rattling around for an hour.  But, even without any water, I felt pretty strong (and thank you to the random man who offered me a few sips from his bottle). 

    The next girl caught me in the bike/run transition (yes, I KNOW I need better transitions).  She told me "great job" as she put on her shoes.  She was pretty surprised to see that I had been in front of her the entire time. Yes, I got passed in transition. But, I still managed to best my best bike course time by about 10 minutes.  No complaints there.

The Run (10K):

Run Split: 56:32

   My run split wasn't the best.  I admit that.  But, I've pulled back a bit on running since my Ironman and, after really attacking the swim and bike courses, I didn't expect it to be too incredible anyways. 

I wound up getting passed again.  And, although I technically fell down in the rankings, I'm still very pleased with my overall performance.  I wound up taking 3rd in my age group and besting my overall time by 20 minutes from last year's race and by 12 minutes from the year before.  Yes, I PR'd by over 10 minutes in the race and getting an award...can't be too upset about that!

Overall Time: 2:35.13

Place: 3rd in AG

Back on the Team

Pool where I've been training and will continue to train with a team

    This law week was pretty exhausting as it was my first week back on a swim team.

    I've been looking around for quite a while for a team that I would like to join. And, I FINALLY found one. I first decided that I would like to start training with a swim team a few months ago. As a lifelong swimmer, the swim portion of a triathlon is my only real advantage. So, I have to do as well with that advantage as possible. And, although I've done very well training on my own, it's just too difficult to work on proper pacing when training alone.

    I also did a few Masters Swimming Meets this past summer just for fun. And, I really did fall back in love with the sport again. Of course, the surprisingly quick times I posted at those meets was pretty exciting as well. So, I looked around and eventually found a very competitive swim team at the long course pool where I've been training (a long course pool about 45min away). And, I'm very excited to now be a member of it.

    Hopefully, by training under a new coach and alongside some pretty quick swimmers, I'll be able to pull back down my 100 pace times with the goal of excelling in both triathlon, pool, and open water swimming. Granted it will be pretty nice to have that extra team motivation to get out of bed in the morning to train...even if the drive to the pool is, kind of a trek. Although, the Dunkin Donuts I pass while traveling from the pool to my office is a pretty big perk as well!

Baffled by Brakes

Joseph Gordon Levitt in the movie Premium Rush

    I saw the movie Premium Rush a few weeks ago. In the movie they made a pretty big deal about how Joseph Gordon Levitt’s character, a bike messenger, doesn’t have brakes on his bike. All the other characters think he’s crazy. So what’s his reasoning? Because the worst accidents happen when you use your brakes.

    On Monday I was out riding outdoors for the first time since Ironman NYC. I already resented my brakes a bit for malfunctioning during my race and causing my brake pads to get stuck on my back wheel (something in the brake disconnected and my brake doesn’t release without a little manual help). Anyways, I was out riding and all of a sudden I hit a rock-covered road adjacent to a construction area. I panicked. I hit my braked and, fortunately, slowed down enough to allow myself to unclip from my pedals and get my feet on the ground before toppling over. For the most part I escaped unscathed. But, the incident got me thinking…nothing good has ever happened to me from braking. So, why the hell do I even have them?

    I’ve had a couple other minor accidents before. But, each time I’ve toppled over from skidding on some dirt of rocks, I went over because I braked. It wasn’t really ever the sand beneath my wheel that caused me to fall. It was the fact that I clenched my brake, lost all momentum, and stopped dead in my tracks causing my own body weight to drag me over. I should also probably note that one time when I was little, I flipped over the handle bars of my little kid bike while braking to avoid hitting a rock. Clearly losing consciousness then did not make me reach this anti-brake mentality any sooner.

    In a way, you can compare the scenario to driving in the snow. Drivers Ed teachers always tell you that if you hit a patch of ice, the worst thing you could do is to slam on your brakes. Instead, you want to turn your wheel into the skid so that you don’t wind up flipping your car. We really need to apply the same principles while biking. You’re probably better off biking through the skid than stopping cold.

    So, maybe Joseph Gordon Levitt wasn’t as crazy as everyone in this movie thought. Now, even if just for the sole purpose of making my mother feel more at ease, I’ll let you know that I’m not about to go rip off my brakes and head out into the world like a crazy person. But, I’m definitely starting to think about using those brakes only as a very last resort. What do you think?

Pulling Back and not Falling Behind

On the trainer during Hurricane Isaac

    My Ironman may be over, but, my triathlon season is not. I still have an Olympic Distance Race in a month (Escape to Miami), a 5K Open water Swim Championship a week after, and, I’m closing out my season with a Half-Ironman (Miami Man) a little over a month after that. I still have about 2.5 months to go in my 2012 triathlon race season and I’m struggling to figure out how to re-tailor my training for these events.

    After racing 112 miles on a mountainous bike course, there is no doubt that the 26 miles of the Olympic course is going to mentally fly by. But, that doesn’t mean that I can just sit back and enjoy the ride if I want to place well. I need to turn up the gear and power through the course hoping that my muscles can handle it. But, can they? In a month from now, will my muscles even really be there anymore? I don’t know.

    It’s hard to force myself to back off of my intense Ironman training in favor of quicker, more intense workouts. I feel like I’m going to lose all the strength that I have gained over the past few months. But, no athlete can continue year-round at such an intense level. Yes, I still need to train hard for my Olympic and Half-Iron races. But, it’s a different sort of training. I need to add more speed work and decrease the amount of pure endurance training. I just hope that I can handle it mentally.

   Right now, I KNOW that I’m still in great shape. But, I fear that I’m going to lose it. I fear that I’m going to go out too hard with the endurance base no longer there to back me up. And, that fear is what, I think ultimately, could be my biggest hindrance in doing well in my upcoming races.

So, I've created a new plan....I'm going to work hard to overcome this fear by mentally leaving my Ironman behind.  For now, my upcoming races need to be the focus of my season, and not the race that has already come and gone.   We shall see how it goes.  Although, any suggestions would be greatly appreciated...

I've Got the Ironman Blues

    It was Saturday night and I was about 1 mile away from the finish line of my very first Ironman distance race. I was exhausted and in pain but the finish line was so close. It was then that the very first feeling of true sadness set in.

    For the last year I had thought about nothing but Ironman. It was exactly one year since I had registered for the race. It was about half a year since I had first started my dedicated training. And now, I was less than ten minutes from the finish line of what, at some points, had seemed like an insurmountable dream. But it wasn’t insurmountable because I had made it. I had dreamed and I had accomplished. And yet I felt crushed inside.

    Accomplishing a dream produces such a strange inner reaction. Yes, I was proud and relieved to have had made it to the finish line after 140.6 miles of agony. But, I was so sad it was all over. I had spent the last year imagining the moment I crossed that finish line. I had spent the last six months dedicating my physical being to becoming an Ironman. The journey was long and torturous but I had loved it. I had loved my long weekend bike rides. I had loved having a real valid reason for being exhausted at work. I had loved my long course weekend swim. I had loved the ups, the downs, and everything in-between. The Ironman dream had become how I defined myself to the world. And now, it was over.

    In the week since my race I’ve thought a lot about where I’ll go in my life now that I have my Ironman tattoo. For many people, they see the Ironman race as a triathlon career peak. They do it once and then revert back to the people they were pre-Ironman. But, I have never been the sort of person to create a goal and to leave it behind once it is accomplished. I am a lifelong athlete with the innate desire to constantly push myself towards the next challenge.

    So I am not done with Ironman. I can swim faster. I can bike stronger. I can run harder. I can do better and I know it. To some, I may seem sick inside for having the inability to let myself revel in my accomplishment. But, that’s what makes me a true athlete.

    I know that there can never again be a “first Ironman” for me. I definitely appreciate that fact in the depths of my heart. It was an amazing experience and I will remember crossing that finish line forever. But, this race was “A” highlight of my triathlon career and not “THE” highlight.” I just can’t let it be “THE” highlight. Otherwise, what would be the point of continuing on? What would be the motivation to get out of bed in the morning if I knew in my heart that it was all downhill from here?

    I’m sorry, but I’ll never be done. I’ll never have enough. I’m a competitive athlete all the way down to the very core of my soul. Take away my need to compete and I’ll cease to exist. And so, as always, the dreaming continues…forever and ever.

“Dreams pass into the reality of action. From the actions stems the dream again; and this interdependence produces the highest form of living.” 

 -Anais Nin

For all of you out there who felt like me after their first Ironman...know that your not alone. The need to compete with yourself-constantly craving the next challenge-is part of who you are.  Embrace it.

Now, let me turn my focus to the remainder of my season and eventually onto Ironman Texas 2013.  

RACE REPORT: Ironman U.S. Championship NYC

    So, the inaugural Ironman US Championship in New York City came and went and now, I’m an official IRONMAN! The weekend was full of ups and downs as there was A LOT of drama surround the event itself. However, for now, I’m just going to focus on reporting on my own race experience and will save my overall event commentary for another time.

RACE BREAKDOWN:

The Swim:

Swim Split: 43:46

About to Enter the Water

    At 6:30am I got shuttled from transition onto a ferry which took me about 2.5miles upstream to the swim start. From the ferry, I got dropped onto a barge where I walked down a ramp and straight into the water to begin my 140.6 mile journey. I had a great time chit-chatting with other participants on the ferry, but once we loaded onto that barge, I barely had time to contemplate what was about to happen before I found myself forced into the water. Because I was in the first boat, I was standing on the barge when the initial race cannon went off. And then, I headed down to the about 50 people behind the first entrant.
    So many people had made comments both joking and non-joking about the cleanliness of the Hudson Swim (especially after the reported sewage dump into the river the day before the race.) However, I really enjoyed the swim portion of the event and thought the whole way about how I wished I could stay in the water for even longer. The water was murky but, honestly, I’ve definitely swam in worse. In fact, I’m almost positive that my local community 4 lane 25-yard pool that’s filled with a million peeing children and floating hairballs everywhere during the summer is more disgusting than that Hudson swim.
    In all, I had a great swim. Admittedly, my wetsuit and the strong Hudson current were largely to blame. To be honest, although I really wanted to put a large effort forth on the swim, I don’t think that I wound up pushing myself very hard. The arms of my wetsuit restricted my arm movement to some extent and I couldn’t really speed up my pace by much as a result. Nonetheless, I wound up beating several of the pro athletes out of the water to become the first Age Group Female Athlete to T-1.

Transition #1:

T-1 Split: 3:33

Exiting T-1 to the Bike Course

This was my favorite moment of the whole race. It was so exiting being the first Female out of the water. Everyone was screaming for me and I had a whole tent of volunteers just standing there trying to help me. I got assistance ripping my wetsuit off and then lost my Bike Gear bag for a minute. But, as there was nobody else really around to stumble into, I wound up getting out of T-1 and onto the bike course pretty quickly.

The Bike:

Bike Split:7:08:39

    Ugh. Where do I begin… my bike was just riddled with problems and challenges. The first steep incline was right out of transition. Surprisingly though, I didn’t have a very hard time with this climb since I had conserved a great amount on the swim. I made it up that first hill without any real struggle. However, as we approached the top, we had to make a sharp right which caused me to have to lean on my brakes. For the next 25 miles or so I truly exhausted myself and wasn’t even going very fast. I had no idea why until I finally stopped by the side of the road to make sure that my tire wasn’t flat. No, my tire wasn’t flat. However, when I had first leaned on my brake, my back brake pads had apparently gotten stuck to my back wheel . I had spent the last 25 miles burning out my legs while biking with my back brake clamped on my wheel.

Looking better than I felt on the Bike Course

    I was a bit upset and defeated as I had exhausted myself for no reason while simultaneously having half the race participants go flying by me. But, the damage was done and there was little I could do besides keep an eye on that back break and trek onwards.
    I’m actually pretty proud of myself for not letting that issue really get to me. Yes, it had severely damaged my overall placement in the race but deep down I knew it wasn’t the end of the world. I was going to finish that bike course no matter how long it would take me.
    From then on I tried not to burn out my legs anymore. After all, I had lost any lead that I had out of the swim. I made the conscious decision to let go of my dream of placing highly and shifted my focus onto just making it through the event.
    As for the bike course itself, it was extremely mountainous and just not meant for Miami folk, like myself, to really be able to excel on. I don’t think there was a single mile of flat land anywhere in that 56-mile loop. So, even had I not had any technical issues, I am positive I would have struggled later on anyways. I just wasn’t prepared for a course that challenging. But, being from Miami, I don’t think that there was any real way I could have prepared myself any better for that course. We just don’t have the resources down here necessary to do so.
    Nevertheless, I made it through the strenuous bike course even with mountains, technical issues, and several lost water bottles. And not once did I lose hope on finishing that race. All I wanted was to get to the end of that bike so I could finally stand up again. But, I never wanted to give up entirely.

Transition #2:

T-2 Split: 6:56

 I didn’t move fast, I didn’t move slow, I just focused on getting on my gear and making sure I spotted my boyfriend and parents on the way out. I didn’t even dread the 26.2 mile marathon run that lay before me. I was smiling and excited to have made it through he bike. I even gave my boyfriend a “high-5” on the way out of transition.

The Run:

Run Split: 5:39:43

The Run (NJ Side)

    As hard as the bike course was, the run course was even worse. But, as challenging as the course was, for the first 10 miles or so, I didn’t even care. I was just SO THRILLED to be off the bike that I couldn’t care less that I was running. I was in great spirits and knew, that although it was going to take me a while, there was absolutely no way that I wouldn’t finish this race.

Super pumped to be off that damn Bike

    My run speed was slow and I walked up some of the more intense hills at the beginning in an effort to conserve for the remainder of the race. I also focused on drinking at every aid station and on getting some natural sugars into my body by way of the aid station orange slices.
    There were aid stations at almost every mile on the run and I, personally, thought all the volunteers were extremely helpful. Yes, there was a slight lack of cold water available without mixing the ice and water cups together. But, cold water upsets my stomach anyways. So I’d rather have the choice of drinking cold water than be forced to do it.
    The first 6 mile run loop went by rather quickly and the second loop was a bit more challenging (especially since we had to climb back up the giant cliff in order to get to the bridge that crossed over to Manhattan). I also noticed after a while that my run speed going uphill was pretty much equal to my uphill walking speed. So, I walked a big portion of the uphill climb. After all, I still had about 10 miles left in the race.

The Run (NY Side):

    It was really exciting to cross over the GW Bridge into Manhattan because, although we still had a long ways to go, we were at least in the same state as the finish line. However, after the excitement wore off, the pain started to increase. My running pace started to decline as I got severe pain in the bottoms of my feet and in my knees. It was a type of pain that I’ve never before experienced. I literally felt like all the bones in the base of my feet had been shattered. Each step was more painful than the next. I started to waddle even when I walked.

Finally making it to the Finish

Regardless of the pain (which I attribute to the extreme hardness of New York City pavement to which my feet are not accustomed), I never once gave up hope. I did walk. But I tried to stick to my mental plan. I took each mile one at a time from mile 18 onwards. I would look at my watch, walk about .2 miles and then try to run to the next mile marker. Sometimes I would stop to walk through the aid stations, but I would always pick up running (albeit a slow run) to the next marker. 19, 20, 21, 22, 23….each mile marker sign came and went and before I knew it, I only had about a 5k left to go.
    The pain in my feet never subsided, but, I continued to push forwards. I wound up picking up my pace in the last 3 miles and had the mental goal to really start to move the second I saw that 24 mile marker sign. I saw the sign, walked up the hill to the top of the park, and then off I went. I gradually increased my pace until I finally saw the 25 marker sign up ahead and by that time I was sprinting almost as fast as my legs could move by then (it wasn’t a full-blown sprint though because I was afraid I’d trip myself or something). But, nonetheless I sprinted. I sprinted through the trees, under the overpass, past the final aid station, around the corner back into Riverside Park, up a small incline, passed a ton of people, and down the chute to the finish line.

   And...that was it...Thirteen hours, Forty Two Minutes and Thirty-Seven Seconds after I went into the water, I was done. I somehow felt like, even in all that time I had held back.  I didn't lay it all on the line.  But, I was an Ironman. And, it was AWESOME.

I'm an IRONMAN!!! Now, when is my next one?!?!?

THIS IS IT!

    THIS IS IT! THE DAY IS ALMOST HERE! My bike is on its way via Tri Bike Transport. All my gear is packed strategically in my swim bag. All my training had concluded. And now, I’m only 2.5 days, 2.2 miserable night’s sleep (I added the .2 for my ‘sleep’ before my 2:30am wakeup on race day,) 1 plane flight, and 1 easy workout away from the Ironman U.S. Championships in New York City. I’m a little bit scared. I’m sorta nervous. But, I’m sure excited.

    I’ve been training for nearly 6 months for a single race so there is a lot of pressure to do well on race day. But then again, what does ‘well’ even mean? Questions have recently popped into my mind regarding this race that I have tried to ignore answering for far too long this season: What are my goals for this race? What are my expectations of my performance? What is my strategic race plan regarding pacing? Do I even have such a plan?

    And now, with the race only a few short days away, I can’t ignore these questions any longer. I need to confront my fear and concoct SOME SORT of a race plan. So, here it is…

Overall Race Goal: 

To finish my very first Full Ironman Race and be proud of it. I’m a SUPER competitive person and I, admittedly, HATE losing. Deep down I know that I will look back at this race and see all my mistakes and failures before I will acknowledge my accomplishment. I’m hard on myself. I know that. But, my overall race goal is, ultimately, just to finish. Saturday isn’t the day to take large race risks or to go out hard hoping that I can just hold on. Saturday is the day for pushing myself comfortably (well, as comfortable as I could be in a 12hr race) across the finish line and knowing that my next Ironman race will be the race where I can really test my limits. I just have to get my Ironman tattoo and then all bets are off.

The Swim: 

 Okay, so I know I JUST said that I wasn’t going to go out too hard. BUT, the swim will be my exception to this rule. I’m a swimmer and I’ve been feeling fantastic in the water. I also JUST swam a 5k Long Course for time so I know both that my pacing is spot-on and that I can bounce back very quickly from a hard swim. Like Ironman 70.3 Florida, I plan to take this swim out relatively hard. Swimming is my advantage and I will try to do the best I can with it. I know that I’ll be a bit tired for the Swim/Run Transition to the Bike. But, a few minutes into the bike and I know that I’ll be back to normal. So, the plan is to take out the swim moderate to hard and to rely on my training for a fast post-swim recovery.

The Transitions: 

Smooth and Well-executed. Once I leave transition I’ll be gone for a VERY LONG time. So, I need to worry less about the speed of my transitions and instead to be very thorough in my preparation for the next leg of the race. I can’t leave anything I need behind…even if it means losing a minute or two.

The Bike: 

 Smooth and steady on the first lap and focus mentally to push a bit harder through the second lap. I don’t know the bike course AT ALL. I know, roughly, how tall the hills are and where they are. But, this is brand new terrain for me. I need to take the first lap out comfortably to just get to see the bike course before I will be able to figure out how hard I can push the second lap. My biggest goal is to not take the first lap out so hard that I spend the next six hours slowly dying. I want to spend the first 56 miles at a comfortable pace and to see how much I have left in the tank for the second loop once I know how challenging those hills are. 

The Run: 

 My only real goal here is just to finish and to stay mentally positive without any real concern for my pace. The run course looks extremely challenging (although beautiful). And, I’m not 100% confident in my present run training. Regardless though, no matter how much training I did for this run, it’s definitely going to hurt A LOT. So, I plan to just enjoy the scenery and take solace in the fact that, by that point, I’ll almost be an Ironman.

And, there it is. It’s not a super-confusing or overly thought-out race plan. But, it’s something to at least show that I have put some thought into my performance on Saturday. And that’s all I’ve really got to say…

If you’d like to track me on Saturday during the race, you can do so at Ironman Live by entering my bib number (#481). Thanks for all your good luck wishes and support thusfar and...

SEE YOU AT THE FINISH LINE!!!

5 Ways to Make it Through the Pain

    Yesterday I competed in the United States Masters Swimming Long Distance 5K Postal Championships.  This national event takes place in pools all across the country.  Each swimmer has a lap counter/split recorder that clocks each 100m time (it’s a LCM race) and the overall elapsed time to be submitted to USMS for national awards and recognition.  I found out about the event last weekend at my swim meet and decided it would be a great way to prepare myself and determine pacing for my Ironman swim in less than 2 weeks.

Pretty tired after the 5k swim

    The 5K distance consists of 100 Laps in a long course swimming pool for a total distance of 5000 meters.   And yes, I know that is a LOT of pool laps.  But, the Ironman swim portion is only 2.4mi so I knew that if I could successfully complete the 5K swim, I’d not only feel more comfortable about the Ironman swim, but I’d also have a better idea of race strategy. 

    In all, the swim took me one hour and nineteen minutes to complete.  For the most past, I was able to swim straight through it having to stop only occasionally to fix my cap or goggles or to confirm how far I had swam.  It was a challenging but informative experience.  The race was very monotonous.  But, from that monotony, I was able to reflect upon how to approach a race like this in the future and how I should approach my Ironman race mentally next week. 

1)      Know that the race can be done and has been done before.  Although long distance races are exceptionally challenging and may cause you to question your ability to finish, find comfort in the fact that others, like you, have completed this race before.  Although the task at hand may seem impossible, it’s obviously not.  Others, some probably in even worse shape than you, have crossed that finish line or have touched that final wall in the past.  And, if they can do it, you can too.  Granted, my Ironman, Ironman New York City is a brand new race so technically NOBODY has completed it before.  But, there are comparable, if not more difficult courses/races out there.  The race creators did not design this race to be impossible.  They did not mock you when you registered for being a sucker.  No, they instead created it with every intention of having every participant finish…including you.

2)      Remember that you’re not the only one suffering.  When the doubt starts to creep in, look around you and see that you’re surrounded by people going through the exact same physical torture as you.  Fuel your own willpower by drawing off the willpower of your fellow competitors.  Do you see that old person besides you? Do you not think that they are hurting inside? Do you not think they aren’t struggling mentally?  They are.  In fact, even the fast young competitor that breezes by you looking composed is also hurting both mentally and physically inside.  They key is, they just don’t show it.  So let those people inspire you and power you forward.  Find camaraderie through the pain that you all feel. Use it to drive yourself forward and know that others are looking at you to do the exact same thing.

3)      If the overall goal is too daunting, make smaller, more attainable goals within. Swimming 100 laps is a lot for a person to mentally handle.  Try counting your laps from 1 to 100 and there is no doubt that you’re going to lose track. Instead, break up the big picture into smaller pieces.  Yesterday, instead of counting to 100, I broke the race up into tiny pieces.  I counted to ten knowing that each time I hit the number 10, I had completed a 500.  But, instead of being scared knowing that I would still have to count to ten a daunting TEN times, I broke it up into smaller pieces once again.  I counted to ten three times knowing that I had swam a mile.  I counted to ten three more times and suddenly I was already up to two miles.  And, at that point I was already more than half-way done.  By the time I counted to ten three more times, I was practically finished.  My mind had barely had the chance to be overwhelmed by the big picture because I had kept my mind focused on just completing the smaller, very doable, mini-goals I had created for myself.  Every race you do can be broken up into pieces.   Set your mini goals to reaching the next buoy in the water or breaking up a run into 5k pieces or even just having yourself set on reaching the next aide station.  Set these mini goals knowing that they’re easy and totally attainable, and have a mini celebration inside each time that you finish one.  Before you know it, you’ll be only one mini goal away from reaching the end of the whole race.

4)      Force yourself to Smile.  No matter how miserable you are, no matter how much your body hurts, forcing yourself to smile will pull your focus off of the pain and will re-remind your mind of just how much you love what you’re doing.  Smile at the photographers. Smile underwater.  Smile on your bike every once in a while for absolutely no reason even though you probably look like a weirdo.  When you feel yourself getting tired or frustrated, just smiling will immediately relieve the tension and get you re-focused on your goal. 

5)      Let yourself be in pain.  Ultimately, know that if the race doesn’t hurt, then you’re not doing a very good job.  The race is supposed to be a challenge no matter how good of shape you are in.  Do you wish that you had trained 10x harder? Well, if you had, that doesn’t mean that the race should hurt any less.  That just means that you would have had to push yourself a little bit more to get to the same level of pain.  This is a race and it is not supposed to be easy for anybody.  Push yourself hard and know that it’s supposed to hurt.  That’s the whole point of doing the race in the first place.

Out-sprinting: a Mental Game

    This past weekend I competed in another Master’s Swim meet. I signed up for the race as a fun thing to do before the final push towards Ironman.  At this race I had some challenging competition.  There was a girl in my age group with seed times far faster than mine in both the 400 and 100 Freestyle.  I naturally assumed she was probably pretty close to the top of her game and was a bit nervous about racing her since I had slower seed times and, being in the height of my Ironman training, didn’t even know how my body would respond to being forced back into “sprint mode.” 

    But, I was going to compete in this meet t have a good time and to just ‘see what I could do.’  Yes, I was ultimately expecting to get beaten.  But, I also figured it would be nice to have somebody else in the water to push me. 

    First up was the 400 freestyle.   It was the very first race of the day.  At my last swim meet, I only had a decent showing in this event.  I remember that I had finished the race barely exhausted.  And later, upon reflection, noted that my split times were equal but a little too slow for what I thought I might be able to hold.  

    So, I stepped up to the blocks and looked over at my competition.   Being a long-time distance swimmer in college, I usually step up to the blocks with the intention of swimming my own race.  Yes, I of course would also like to win the race, but ultimately distance races are about pushing yourself regardless of how fast the people besides you are swimming.  But, not this time.  This time I was going to try something different.  I finally had somebody to ‘race.’  I was going to push myself much harder than last time and was going to use my competition of a guide.

    The gun went off and we dove into the water with 8 long course meter laps ahead of me.  I took the first 100 out much harder than I would normally have.  After the first 100, I was ahead of my competition. ..barely.  But, I was feeling strong and told myself I only had 6 more lengths to go.  The second hundred hurt.  My body started to cramp a little bit like it always does.  Yet, somehow I managed to still stay slightly ahead.  And then, we hit the third hundred. 

    My body was getting tired and my competition started to pull ahead.  This is usually the point of the race where the mental negativity starts to creep in.  It’s a problem I’ve always had.  In every race, it’s sad to admit, I give up mentally before my body is ready to.  I’ve spoken before about the need to rely on my training when racing.  But, even though I take my race out hard knowing the training will be there to back it up, I’ve always had a problem having my mental strength there as well.  You can be in the best shape of your life, but if you lose the mental positivity, all the training in the world becomes completely useless.  I know I’m not the only person who must struggle with this problem and it’s a very hard thing to come to terms with.  But all my life, if there was ever a need to outsprint a person to the finish, I wind up losing.  I lose, not because they’re faster or stronger than I am.  I lose because my mind breaks before their mind does.  It’s as simple as that.  And, although I know it’s a problem I’ve always had, I’ve just never been able to keep those negative thoughts out. 

    In a swimming race like this, the third portion (here the third hundred), is always the portion where I just can’t hold back the negativity any longer.  But this time was different.  As we hit the wall at the far end of the pool with 150 meters left to go, I thought to myself “I’m going to be an Ironman…stay with her.”   For the first time ever in a race that I can remember, I was wholeheartedly committed to giving it everything I had inside.  There were no thoughts of pain or tiredness.  There were no thoughts of failure as I saw her start to pull away from me.  There was nothing but mental dfedication to the race and to bringing myself as close to the edge as possible.  To be honest, I really shocked myself that a positive thought just popped into my head without me having to try to force it there.  It was truly an amazing feeling.

    As we approached the wall at the end of the third hundred, I saw her turn slightly ahead of me.  Usually I have to make the conscious decision to turn up the pace.  But this time, I just let myself go.  I was going to sprint the whole last 100 meters.  I was actually going to try and beat her.  Now, ¼ of the race is A LOT to try and sprint.  I would normally advise against it since the probability of “hitting the wall” waaaaay too early is very high.  But I knew, deep down inside, that my training was there.  I’ve always been physically strong enough to fight to the finish.  And , it was finally time for my mind to join the fight. 

    So, I sprinted.  I picked up my kick.  I turned over my arms as fast as possible, and I drove into the wall at the far end of the pool.  I had one 50 to go.  I was closing in although she was still half a body length ahead.  And believe me, you can bet she know I was there and giving everything she had to fight me off.  But I didn’t let go.  Twenty-five meters left.  I took a deep breath and drove as hard as possible the rest of the way.  I was either going to win this race or I was going to know I tried as hard as possible.  I wasn’t going to end this race, as usual, knowing that deep down I had given up long before I hit the final wall.

    I put my head down and finished strong into the wall just in time to turn my head and to see my competition come into the wall right behind me.  I took twelve whole seconds off my previous 400 freestyle time and won the race.  But more importantly, I didn’t give up mentally and my body never gave out.  The training was there.  My mind was there.  It was a perfect race.

    I went on to beat the same girl again by just barely out-touching her in the 100 freestyle.  I had a great swim meet and she, undoubtedly, had a miserable one.I was proud of myself.For the first time ever I felt like a real competitive athlete. 

What you should take away from my story is this: 

    Physical training means nothing until you’re capable of finding the mental positivity necessary to succeed.  And, it needs to come naturally.  The harder you try to force in the positive thoughts, the easier the bad ones will creep in as well.  Positivity needs to already exist in your subconscious.  You need to be comfortable with your training and know that, although you may have made mistakes along the way, you’re doing the best you can with the time and resources you have. Only once you let go of the doubts on a daily basis can you let go of the doubts in a race.  And, only then, will you ever be able to draw up enough mental positivity to be able to outsprint somebody to the finish.

Picture Perfect

     The big race is quickly approaching..Ironman NYC is just THREE WEEKS AWAY! My body is completely exhausted from all the training/work/lack of sleep. But, it will all be over before I know it. I’ve been training for the ‘big day’ for about 5 months now prepping endlessly for the straight 2.4 mile swim, 6plus hour hilly bike, and the sure-to-be exhausting marathon run. But, there is one, all important thing that I haven’t yet prepped for…the finish.

     Barring any major problems and in trying to stay mentally positive, I’ve been thinking endlessly about what it will be like to transcend down that final chute towards the giant Ironman finish line archway. Since this is my first full Ironman, I know that I will forever look back and remember that moment when my toe finally reaches 140.61 miles. I want that image, both the everlasting mental image and the one Ironman will sell to me for an insanely high price, to be perfect.

"The Exhale"

     So, in an attempt to make that final image perfect, I’ve been thinking about my many different finish line pose options. Think of it as my final last minute prep for the final last minute of the race. And who knows which one I will chose or which one, god forbid, just ‘happens.’ But I’m sure it will be a fantastic, truly memorable experience all the same.

Option 1: 

The Exhale:

Where I hold my breath, sprint (as much as I could even sprint at that point) towards the finish line, take a single leap over the line, stop, and let out a very deep exhale as a sigh of relief of finally making it.

Picture-Perfect Scale Factor:
4
(Nobody looks attractive with their mouth wide open blowing air out; however, it’s one of the better options for a more-exhausted finish)

Option 2:

The Stumble: 

Where I’m so overly-exhausted that I stumble, zigzagging and dragging my body over the line. 

Picture-Perfect Scale Factor: 
2
(Not very attractive, but at least I’m not dead)

Option 3:

The Collapse: 

 Where I collapse to the ground (unintentionally) as I topple over the finish line.

Picture-Perfect Scale Factor: 
0
(However, the Dramatic Factor is super high and possibly a more viable option than an ugly photo)

Option 4: 

The Phelps: 

where I run across the finish with a big smile and arms extended out to the side as though I’m about to give the finish line a giant bear hug)

Picture-Perfect Scale Factor:
7 
(a smile is always great in a photo and would be relatively easy to execute)

Option 5:

The Heal Click: 

Where I jump up in the air clicking my heals together as I cross the line.

Picture-Perfect Scale Factor: 
10 
(though jumping after 140.6 miles would not be very easy and my calves would probably cramp. I was also not born a Leprechaun so my clumsiness would make this extremely difficult to execute properly without the risk of falling flat on my face).

Option 6:

The Tebow: 

I get down on one knee and pray about how happy I am to finally be done

Picture-Perfect Scale Factor: 
-10
(I’m from the U…enough said).

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE FINISH LINE POSE?

Biking with Myself

    Today was it...my last long weekend bike ride before Ironman NYC.  I only have 3 weekends left before I leave for NYC.  Next weekend I have a master's swim meet, the weekend after I'm in taper and will only do about 50 miles (I know, ONLY), and the weekend after my bike will be in route to the Big Apple.  So, today was my last chance to get in a lengthier ride.  And, I was pretty sad about it.

    Over the past few months I have been going out on long training rides on the weekend.  I first started out by joining a friend for a 50 mile ride.  The following weekend we did 60 miles.  And after that, I was forced to leave my friend behind while I went out on solo rides ranging from 70 to 100 miles.

    I remember that after my first solo ride (of about 65 miles) I came home upset.  The wind was too strong.  I got dirt in my eyes.  There were so many problems that I had obsessed about during that first solo ride.  It was miserable.  But, upon reflection, I don't think it was those tiny 'problems' that made that first ride miserable...I think it was the fact that I had never had to tolerate being with myself for that long.

    It' s not an easy thing, having to tolerate your own mind for so many hours.  On a ride of four hours or longer, your mind wanders so many times that you almost run out of things to think about.  And then, when all your inner distractions are gone, there is nothing else to left to concentrate on besides the strength of the wind and the annoyance of the cars passing by.

    But over time, the long rides got easier.  Part was due to the fact that I was getting stronger physically.  But part was also due to the fact that I had eventually learned to appreciate being along.  In fact, I eventually started looking forward to it.

    Today on my final long ride, I was actually excited to get out of bed.  I filled my bottles, packed all my nutrition, and flew out the door.  It was drizzling a little but that didn't matter.  The wind was much stronger than usual, but that didn't matter either.  I didn't want the rain or the wind as excuses anymore.  I didn't need excuses not to ride when riding had become the highlight of my weekend.

    Other triathletes do group rides (or do group rides and a short ride after) to prep for an Ironman. But, I think these athletes are greatly missing out on an amazing aspect of the journey to become an Ironman.  You can't draft in the race.  You can't distract yourself with chit chat in the race.  You can't stop at Starbucks to catch up with your friends in the race.  So you probably shouldn't be doing it in practice, either.

    Biking 112 miles takes a VERY long time.  And I really do feel that I am as prepared for that ride as I possibly could be.  I never gave myself the chance to draft off of anyone on my solo rides.  I never had anyone to block the wind for me or to give me some water if I had run out.  It was just me out there.  I had nothing to listen to besides the steady pace of my own breathing.  I had nothing else to look at besides the beauty of parts of the city I had never seen before.

    Each solo bike ride was a brand new experience.  Many times I left my house without a clear route even marked.  I would just follow other bikers to new areas of the city.  Today, I wound up biking through the Mangrove preserve.  It was beautiful and serene.  And, while I was out there, I was thinking about how easy these rides had become.  Yes my body is stronger.  But more importantly, my mind was finally clear.  After so many ours of being alone and obsessing about random things that didn't matter, I had finally pushed through to the other side.  I had pushed through to the side of nothingness and yet clarity.  The negative thoughts were gone.  The distractions about work or home were distant memories.  It was just me, my bike, and the wide open road.

    After reflecting upon all my training, the one thing I know I did right was to do most of my long rides alone.  And, if you're training for an Ironman, I'd highly recommend doing the same. Yes, you can train yourself physically for the race by biking with others.  But, you can't train for the race mentally unless you venture out alone.

    Learning to tolerate being with yourself for over 6 hours is not easy.  It's hard to be forced to be 'inside your own head' for that long and to not lose hope or let the negativity creep in. But little by little you can build up to it, just like you build yourself up physically.  The first few rides will be miserable, I'm sure.  You will always find something else you can blame besides having to blame your own mental weakness.  But, over time, you will learn to find the joy in being alone.  You will learn new things about yourself and the way your mind functions each time you ride.  You will stop trying to distract yourself and instead learn to enjoy the loneliness, the pain, and the exhaustion.  And, you will be proud when you come home because you will know that you did it all alone.

"Well there's nothing to lose

And there's nothing to prove

I'll be biking with myself"